Select Page

How to Make Friends that Really Love You

Feel like it’s impossible to make friends that treat you well? Partners that respect you as a person? Maybe you find yourself always in relationships that end up turning out poorly. How to make friends that truly love us can feel elusive when we have a mental illness. It’s possible, though, and sometimes our loneliness is the gateway to these loving friendships.

I used to think loneliness was a sign I was doing something wrong. That I wasn’t good enough or that no one cared about me. I felt dejected and hurt and so darn lonely.

Despite how uncomfortable loneliness can be, it is sometimes lead to real and loving friendships. The kinds that last a lifetime and are filled with joy.

Sometimes choosing to be alone for a bit can lead us towards the healthiest and most loving friendships

Unhealthy relationships can form when we want to escape loneliness so badly that we attach to anyone who passes us by. They treat us like a burden, like too much work, like someone who they only tolerate. Now, I’m not talking about abusers here, but just those relationships which are definitely not good for us.

You deserve better than that. You deserve to be loved and spoiled and treasured like the amazing person I know you are. It is okay to have standards in your relationships.

So how can you make friends that are really good for you, without being overwhelmed with loneliness while you’re waiting for the right people?

This episode will answer all those questions. You’ll realize the positive side of loneliness, how to embrace it, and how to make friends that truly love you. You will discover the skills to leave harmful relationships without feeling guilty and without fearing that you’ll be alone if you leave the people who aren’t right for you. You’ll even know what to look for in promising friendships that signal “hey, this person will treat you right.”

It takes courage and strength to leave relationships that are unhealthy for us. If you have done this in your life, I want you to congratulate yourself right now. That strength within you is absolutely incredible.

Choosing to leave unhealthy relationships is often how to make friends that really love you

Whether you have walked away from unhealthy relationships or not, each time can seem scary. After all, you will feel some grief and loneliness after. You may experience some time with less friends than you’d like but, after this episode, you’ll be okay with that.

You’ll know it’s worth the wait. It’s worth leaving the people who are wrong for you, to wait for the people who are right.

The relationships you have can make or break your mental health. They can lift you up or pull you down. Now, when you notice someone who isn’t good for you, I hope you feel more empowered and able to leave them. I hope you recognize that you deserve better and that better people will come.

Now that you’ve given this episode a watch, I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

What is a red flag—a behavior that isn’t okay—in a relationship?

If you’ve seen this in any of your current relationships, have you taken action to safely address it?

I also encourage you to write down how you plan to address it. Will you set a boundary, communicate your upset, leave the relationship or something else?

This isn’t always easy to do and sometimes it takes a lot of strategic planning, depending on the dynamics of the relationship. If you’re simply in a less-than-good relationship, give the techniques in this episode a try. They should help you out.

Someone you know and care about may have some friends who treat them as less than the gem you know they are. If you have a loved one going through this, send them a link to this blog. They could use a compassionate message from a friend like you—a friend who really cares about them. This gesture of kindness could show them they deserve more friends like you. It will also show them how to make friends that really care.

(If your friend is in a situation that may be abusive, ask them verbally if you can send them an article about unhealthy relationships. It could jeopardize their safety to just send one, if you know the relationship may be unsafe for them to begin with.)

How close are you to living a life you love? Take the quiz here!

You’ll also find healing with…


  1. Marilyn Schendel

    Thank you for sharing this. We all need to realize and keep those good friendships and let the ones that negatively impact us go.

    • Arien Smith

      Yes, exactly! Having supportive and wonderful friends in our life is essential for our wellbeing.

  2. Donna DeRosa

    Making friends, the right friends, is such an important skill to learn. Thanks for sharing.

    • Arien Smith

      My pleasure! I’m so glad you agree, Donna.

  3. Janie Hadsel

    It was good to hear you say that it’s okay to be alone some of the time. I am a loner and have had difficulty making friends. I have a wonderful supportive husband, but have had very few close friends over the years, and have relied on them too much. I’ve recently started actively seeking friends that I don’t overly depend on and visa versa. I’ve been primarily staying on the outskirts, listening and learning about the ladies in my neighborhood. This has been very educational and I’m slowly moving into the group, making a few close friends along the way.

    Thanks for this Arien. It sort of confirms that my method is proper and healthy.


    • Arien Smith

      Thank you so much for sharing all of your thoughts, Janie! It sounds like you’re on a powerful journey of building a great support system, and I’m so glad the reminder that it’s okay to be alone sometimes was helpful too. Best wishes in all of your future endeavors.


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

August 23, 2017