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How to Love Yourself: The Actual Way Most Self-Help People Ignore

“How to love yourself”—yep, this might not sound like all that original of a blog from the start. But I want to show you something super important, and I’ve only ever seen one other personal development leader talk about it. 

Loving ourselves is an art that becomes much trickier after surviving abuse. I also think, though, that it gives us an advantage in some ways. 

Because our abusers created such deep shame and self-hatred, we have to fight harder for self love. In my own journey, this taught me things I never would have noticed if the journey had been easier. 

It’s not a benefit, per say, to live through abuse. But personally, I’m grateful that I was able to uncover these answers to self love purely so I can share them with you today. Hopefully, it’ll save you the years of fighting I went through to get here. 

True self-love involves three key steps you have to take first, before those affirmations, meditations, and journaling exercises will ever work. 

You have to: 

Limit and solve self-deprecating thoughts

Learn to approach the emotion of shame with a friendly perspective

Dig into your past and uproot the reasons behind limiting beliefs

The video below talks about all three of these techniques and I have a bunch of resources farther down to help you dive into each one too. 

Limiting self-deprecating thoughts:

How to Break Free of Any Self Defeating Cycle
Believe in Your Brilliance and Tame Your Inner Critic
4 Common Struggles with Self Worth & How to Heal Them

Approaching shame with love:

Conquer Guilt and Shame After Abuse
Rejecting Tough Emotions? Empower Yourself with Radical Acceptance
How to Stop Feeling Guilty About Your Mental Illness

Digging up limiting beliefs:

“Am I Enough?” Yes! And Here’s How to Believe It
How to Break Free of Any Self Defeating Cycle
How to Genuinely Love Your Imperfections

These three foundational steps are rarely discussed. I truly believe this is why self love is such a fight, despite there being so many blogs on it.

So here they are, ready for you to try. Go ahead and get started with a comment! 

Where did you find you were getting stuck while learning to love yourself? What’s a new solution you have, after watching this video?

And, if you think this blog is a powerful, helpful one, share it with another survivor of abuse too. That’s how you can help enact change on a larger level. That’s how you’ll help change the world for the better. 

Join my new membership site here for some free resources on limiting belief work, too! 

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