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The Hope We Need After Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Leaving an abusive relationship is no easy task, especially when we’re alone and with little support. That’s why I made this video, to share with you the loving messages I wish I’d been told after leaving my abusers. It’s personal, inspiring, down-to-earth, and so darn self-loving. 

Transcript below in the comments!

In a lot of ways, this is the toughest time in our recovery journey—because it’s the first time we’re shifting into healing. It takes great bravery and courage to stand on our own after leaving an abusive relationship. The fact you made it that far is already incredible. 

This is a time when our hearts are raw, and it’s also a time many of us need the greatest support. Sometimes we don’t have support around us (people can defend our abusers and harm us, unfortunately). So, this video is meant to help you find that support and love, even if you don’t have it from close personal relationships around you. 

I was alone after I left my final abuser. All my friends had abandoned me (thanks, victim blaming) and I’d gone out into the world while traumatized, jobless, sick, and frightened. 

I created this video after reflecting on my wounded self during that time. The alone, scared me. So, I recorded a love letter—and it’s one I hope reaches your heart today. 

What other loving messages do you think you need to hear after leaving an abusive relationship? You’re always encouraged to leave a comment, as it’s by working together that us survivors heal best. Comments lead to community, and community leads to true and deep transformation. 

Love,
Calion

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1 Comment

  1. Calion Smith

    [Transcript]

    Hello, beautiful! My name is Calion and today I want to talk about what I wish that I had heard or had known when I first got out of an abusive relationship. Basically the point of this video is to kind of talk as if I was talking to that me of the past and sharing like all the things that I didn’t know that I would have in the future. And the point of this video is to show you that someday you might be able to make something like this too. Not necessarily that you’re going to record a video, but that you would be able to talk to your past self right after you got out of an abusive relationship and say, “Hey, here’s where you’re going to be someday. Hey, here are the good things that you’re going to have, here’s what you’re going to feel like in the future.” Because that hope is something that we all need.

    So I hope that, by me reflecting on some of the things that I have found in my life and in my future that you will know that those are things that you can have too. So some of the things that I absolutely wish that I had known right after I got out of abusive relationship is that someday I would feel safe in every way. Granted I mean there are still things in the world that make me feel unsafe. There’s political things there’s, um, you know, violence and stuff like that that happens. But that deep sense of safety of, “I have a home that I’m not going to be hurt in. I feel safe when engaging in my sexuality,” you know, when being intimate with someone, which is something that after sexual abuse I honestly never really thought that I would feel, but I have an amazing fiancé. He’s beyond what I had dreamed of. So that’s another thing I wish that I had known. That I would also find love, not just love from someone else, not just love from friends, but love for myself too.

    And that was something that, yeah, it took work, it took time, you know. I didn’t always have the best relationships right after abuse either. It’s an act of self-love and I’ve learned to let go of the people who aren’t bringing love into my life. And by doing that I’ve realized that I can build a life surrounded by love, that I am surrounded by love now. And that is such a beautiful thing that I never thought that I would have when I was first getting out of that abusive relationship. I thought that everything was going to be painful. I thought that I would be betrayed again and I thought that all of these supposedly beautiful things in the future were out of reach for me because of what i’d gone through.

    And that’s another thing that I want to say is that nothing good is out of reach for you. That’s what I would have wanted to tell myself too, is that just because it feels and it is so burdensome to have gone through trauma and to have faced or to be facing those PTSD symptoms, and that exhaustion and all of that. Just because you have that doesn’t mean that goodness is out of reach. It might be harder and it probably will be harder to reach than for another person, but it’s not impossible. It’s not out of reach. It’s just far out there. So I really really want to make that clear too, and I also want to mention too that one thing that I would have said to my past self is that it’s not going to take as long as you think to heal.

    The key is that you have to know the path that’s right for you, you have to know that there is a path and then you have to find what that path is. And once that clicks, whether you’re making that path on your own or, you know, or like you find it from someone else who teaches that sort of thing, once that clicks then you’re on your way to healing. And that can actually happen quite fast, it’s just that willingness to really step into it. And the thing is, too, that I would also want to tell myself that that healing journey is something beautiful. And it has its tough points, plenty of tough points, and those are always going to exist in everyone’s healing journey, but there’s some beauty about it too, because every time we go through one of those points we get stronger and we might not see it at first, but that strength is noticeable within us that we’re like, “Hey, I did that, I can do the next thing too.”

    So I would have told myself, you know, you are already so strong because of everything that you’ve survived and the person that you are. You are already so strong and you’re going to get stronger every step of the way. And that’s going to be an enjoyable thing, finding that strength and seeing how it grows. I’m sure that there are millions of other things that I could think of to tell the me that just got out of abuse, but I hope that this is a good good taste into some of the hopes that you deserve to know about and that you can have in your future. And to just hopefully inspire that hope in you, to really show you that some of that goodness and some of that joy and some of that peace and all of those sort of things are totally possible in your life.

    I do want to say to you that if you’re looking for that path, if you’re looking for a way that other survivors have journeyed and have found that healing through, I do have that, um. I teach something that I call The Prosperity Path and it’s my journey from through healing. How I was able to do that in this couple of years. So I give you that framework, I make it easier for you. I take away a lot of that exhaustion of figuring out what your next step is in that program. So go ahead and check that out if you want! It’s in the description. I’d absolutely love, obviously, to have you join it or to have you look into some of the free resource resources about the program as well.

    And then if you like this video, please give it a like, and if you want to hear more about abuse recovery and healing and finding joy and a little bit about dissociative identity disorder too please click subscribe and turn on those notifications! I hope that you go out there with a little bit of that hope too, so even if you just got out of that abusive relationship and you are feeling all of that weight these are some things to look forward to.

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