There was a viral post that went around Facebook a few months ago, about how it was harmful to say “Trauma is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility.” That phrase had always rubbed me the wrong way, but I didn’t know why until I was a part of that discussion. And boy, did I learn a lot! It helped me understand how I used that sentiment to guilt myself into healing, and how others—like...
This might sound weird, but regret is a surprisingly helpful feeling. It helps us control emotions trauma brings up, preventing us from ending up in a crisis. But…it definitely doesn’t feel pleasant, right? So how could it possibly be helpful? How can regret, an emotion that often speaks to us with self-hatred, be beneficial? And yes, I am talking about that regret that tells you “You shouldn’t have dressed that way” or “you shouldn’t have dated him.”...
Stuck living the single life, at least for the time being? It can be tough, especially since us survivors of abuse often crave love. And we can find a lot of healing with a partner who respects us, too! That adds to our desire to live the “partnered life” instead. Not to mention the loneliness that can hit when we live on our own, without someone to cuddle and kiss and share hardships with. Love is an...
Your inner child needs a lot of love after all you’ve been through. The abuse you faced when you were younger (and perhaps older too) was unfair and unjust. I know how heavily it weighs on you. Your inner child, the part of you longing for the love you never got, is hurting with that same pain. So, today, it’s time to share unconditional love with this part of you. This blog is formatted like a letter....
You’ll have self confidence if you believe in the decisions you make. Making decisions you believe in means trusting you followed your heart and did what was truly best for yourself. If you’re certain you did the best thing we possibly could at the time, then you’ll feel strong and self-loving even if something doesn’t work out. That’s ideal—to trust ourselves every time we make a choice. Imagine being able to go on a date and know you...
It’s difficult to love again after abuse. There may be compassionate and kind people who come into our life, but learning to trust them can seem nearly impossible. Or we settle for anything better than our past relationships—even if they aren’t great and we don’t truly feel a connection. They’re just someone less toxic than our abuser. There are several things each one of us needs to face and do before we can truly feel in...
Anger can be explosive, lashing out at anyone we care about—innocent or not. Or it can stay buried, festering into self-hatred or self-harm. Or maybe we reject the protective side of anger, letting people walk over us. Dealing with anger, no matter how it shows in your life, can seem nearly impossible. But there are healthy and beautiful ways to handle this emotion. It’s simply about finding your anger’s unique voice and expression. I thought, for...
Knowing how to love yourself after abuse can feel like a total mystery. There are plenty of articles saying what it’s like to have self-love and what we’re supposed to do to get it. But I’ve yet to find one actually sharing what the real journey towards self love looks like. That’s what this blog is for. There are steps to go through before we actually get to life-long self love. We also need to understand what self...
We can’t travel back in time and change our past…and this can cause a lot of despair. Difficult emotions may rage through you—scaring you and making it hard to find even one ounce of self acceptance. I get it. I truly, honestly do. Loving ourselves in any capacity after abuse is hard—especially since that requires us to accept ourselves. That means accepting what happened to us and how it affects us today, including the tough emotions and...
It's because of the abuse you faced that you have low self-esteem. It's not because of anything you did or who you are. But it feels like those two things are the reason right? Like there is something wrong with, well, you…? That's because your abuser deliberately created a belief that you deserve to be hurt. They told you literally through words or their actions that you weren't worth anything. That your role was to be hurt by...