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The Shame-Free Way to Leave Unhealthy Relationships

It’s hard to walk away from unhealthy relationships the instant a warning sign pops up. Us survivors will often tell ourselves “I’ll never let anyone do this to me again,” but when it comes time to actually walk away…we hesitate anyways.  Why? Because after a life with so little love, we want every bit we can get. Even if the person providing it isn’t all that good for us.  I talked about how us survivors tend to...

How to Reduce the Pain of Grief in a Loving Way

Every survivor of abuse has experienced grief. It’s not always when a person leaves us or someone passes on—sometimes it’s the loss we feel over the fun childhood we never had. Or the betrayal of someone we thought loved us.  Grief is always complex—even more so when abuse is involved. Sometimes we attach to our abuser and feel devastated when they’re gone.  Or, other times, grief comes with anger…at our abusers or at the Universe for cursing...

How to Love Again after a Lifetime of Abuse

It’s difficult to love again after abuse.   There may be compassionate and kind people who come into our life, but learning to trust them can seem nearly impossible. Or we settle for anything better than our past relationships—even if they aren’t great and we don’t truly feel a connection. They’re just someone less toxic than our abuser. There are several things each one of us needs to face and do before we can truly feel in...

Just left an abuser how to handle the doubt and grief

Just Left an Abuser? How to Handle the Doubt and Grief

Ah, the dreaded task of leaving an abuser…  Most likely, if you’re on this blog, you already have left the people who hurt you (or at least the most severe ones), but that doesn’t mean you feel great about your decision.  I bet you have some seriously complicated feelings around your choice to walk away. There’s a lot of emotion that goes into leaving an abuser. (I actually talked a ton about that grief right here) It’s natural...

coping with loss when you were hurt by that person

Coping with Loss When You Were Hurt by that Person

Coping with loss in general is tough, but even more so if that person was an abuser. Whether it was through their death or your conscious choice to leave them, grief is natural and expected. Though that doesn’t make it easy. So how do you handle it?  Especially when half the time you feel guilty for even having a sense of missing them? (After all—why miss someone who hurt you so much?) Well, there are some very logical...

Loneliness after abuse: how to let go of toxic people

Loneliness After Abuse: How to Let Go of Toxic People

Loneliness is a part of being human, but it takes a greater toll on us survivors of abuse. We feel more isolated and dejected than your average person.  A break up for us might mean complicated grief or a rise in feelings of abandonment. The death of someone close seems like proof for the belief saying “we deserve to be punished.” Even our conscious decisions to leave those who hurt us brings unique grief. The feeling...

7 astonishing signs of a bad relationship

7 Astonishing Signs of a Bad Relationship

Bad relationships can happen to any of us. Seriously, even a survivors of abuse who have a ton of experience with toxic relationships can be swept away by them. So, that's why it's important for us to consciously (highlight on that) know these seven key signs of a bad relationship. We know them in our subconscious…but, let’s face it. It’s easy to ignore that voice. These signs will jump between projecting emotions onto you, lacking accountability, and...

Why You Never Need to Forgive and Forget Abuse

You never have to forgive your abuser. You never have to forget or deny what you went through. If you want to share your story publicly, go ahead. If you want to hate the people who hurt you, you have every right. Don’t listen to the people who say “forgive and forget.”  This advice usually comes with good intentions, but it’s hard to properly deliver it to a survivor of abuse. Since, well, it’s usually people...

How to be Unconditionally Empathetic

How to be Unconditionally Empathetic

With so many resources out there on empathy…why do we still struggle to be empathetic (both personally and as a society)?  It’s all because we’re missing the first step—turning acceptance and understanding towards ourselves. If we deny ourselves empathy, we deny the world it too.  I learned this technique in a really wacky, unconventional way, but it’s one of the most critical on my road to recovery. Without it, I don’t think I could cope with the...

How to Ensure Space in a Relationship Doesn’t Destroy You

How to Ensure Space in a Relationship Doesn’t Destroy You

It can be a terrifying thing when someone says “I need space.” We start wondering if we did something wrong. Are they going to leave us? Are we unwanted? Space in a relationship is vulnerable for us survivors of abuse—but it is possible to reclaim it as a healthy thing. Every individual person has their own needs and sometimes that includes alone time. Often, when a need for space crops up, it’s completely unrelated to...

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