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When to end a friendship and how to do it guilt free

When to End a Friendship (& How to Do It Guilt-Free)

Ever had a friendship that made you feel uncomfortable? Someone you stress about spending time with…but they aren’t actually abusive? How do you know when to end a friendship that’s unpleasant like this?  That’s the focus of this blog. I’ve talked lots about walking away from abusers in the past, but this situation is much more nuanced.  It’s about leaving someone who isn’t a bad or harmful person… we just don’t feel great in the friendship. Or...

Struggling in a new relationship? How to overcome the fear of betrayal.

Struggling in a New Relationship? How to Overcome the Fear of Betrayal

Terrified those you love are going to let you down? Or that they’ll abandon or hurt you? You’re not the only survivor with this fear of betrayal—most of us have struggled with it after abuse. Relationships are nerve-wracking even for someone who’s never been traumatized. It’s human nature to want to be loved and, when we get close to someone, we want to keep them by us.  And, our history has given us a bad impression of...

Lost all your friends to victim blaming? Here's how to handle it

Lost All Your Friends to Victim Blaming? Here’s How to Handle It

Victim blaming can be as traumatic as the initial abuse, especially when all of your friends leave—blaming you for what happened and shaming you for sharing your story.  This shame, right after we make the courageous move to leave our abusers, can be extremely detrimental to our healing. In some cases the victim blaming can be so severe it convinces the victim to return to their abuser.  In this blog, I’ll debunk the mystery of why people...

2 Tips on How to Thrive When You’re Living the “Single Life”

Stuck living the single life, at least for the time being? It can be tough, especially since us survivors of abuse often crave love. And we can find a lot of healing with a partner who respects us, too! That adds to our desire to live the “partnered life” instead.  Not to mention the loneliness that can hit when we live on our own, without someone to cuddle and kiss and share hardships with.  Love is an...

How to make your relationships last a lifetime: 2 keys to good communication

How to Make Your Relationships Last a Lifetime: 2 Keys to Good Communication

We all know good communication is important in our relationships. We know we’re supposed to talk to those we love, not keep secrets, and mutually respect one another.  But what about when we have an uncomfortable boundary to set with someone we care about?  What if we have a need that contradicts someone else’s need? (What they need is also valid.) Or how do we keep relationships healthy if we’re good with communication…but the other person isn’t?  That’s what...

The Shame-Free Way to Leave Unhealthy Relationships

It’s hard to walk away from unhealthy relationships the instant a warning sign pops up. Us survivors will often tell ourselves “I’ll never let anyone do this to me again,” but when it comes time to actually walk away…we hesitate anyways.  Why? Because after a life with so little love, we want every bit we can get. Even if the person providing it isn’t all that good for us.  I talked about how us survivors tend to...

How to Reduce the Pain of Grief in a Loving Way

Every survivor of abuse has experienced grief. It’s not always when a person leaves us or someone passes on—sometimes it’s the loss we feel over the fun childhood we never had. Or the betrayal of someone we thought loved us.  Grief is always complex—even more so when abuse is involved. Sometimes we attach to our abuser and feel devastated when they’re gone.  Or, other times, grief comes with anger…at our abusers or at the Universe for cursing...

How to Love Again after a Lifetime of Abuse

It’s difficult to love again after abuse.   There may be compassionate and kind people who come into our life, but learning to trust them can seem nearly impossible. Or we settle for anything better than our past relationships—even if they aren’t great and we don’t truly feel a connection. They’re just someone less toxic than our abuser. There are several things each one of us needs to face and do before we can truly feel in...

Just left an abuser how to handle the doubt and grief

Just Left an Abuser? How to Handle the Doubt and Grief

Ah, the dreaded task of leaving an abuser…  Most likely, if you’re on this blog, you already have left the people who hurt you (or at least the most severe ones), but that doesn’t mean you feel great about your decision.  I bet you have some seriously complicated feelings around your choice to walk away. There’s a lot of emotion that goes into leaving an abuser. (I actually talked a ton about that grief right here) It’s natural...

coping with loss when you were hurt by that person

Coping with Loss When You Were Hurt by that Person

Coping with loss in general is tough, but even more so if that person was an abuser. Whether it was through their death or your conscious choice to leave them, grief is natural and expected. Though that doesn’t make it easy. So how do you handle it?  Especially when half the time you feel guilty for even having a sense of missing them? (After all—why miss someone who hurt you so much?) Well, there are some very logical...

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