Being betrayed by a friend is one of the most painful experiences we can have. Whether that’s them turning abusive, revealing a secret they promised to keep, or hurting us in some other way—it destroys the relationship we had with them. And that’s painful. Betrayal cuts deeply into our hearts. Their betrayal also tells us what to think about ourselves and our worth, which can hurt more than the loss of the friendship. This can cause us...
If you’re a survivor of abuse who’s been working for years (or even decades) to heal and you feel discouraged because you haven’t made much progress, this blog is for you. We all know it’s a journey to heal from abuse, especially if you were hurt in childhood. Your entire formative years were created around painful, traumatic experiences—and changing how this affected you isn’t going to happen overnight. But, after the years of work you’ve put in,...
Victim blaming can be as traumatic as the initial abuse, especially when all of your friends leave—blaming you for what happened and shaming you for sharing your story. This shame, right after we make the courageous move to leave our abusers, can be extremely detrimental to our healing. In some cases the victim blaming can be so severe it convinces the victim to return to their abuser. In this blog, I’ll debunk the mystery of why people...
Imagine if you could instantly stop a panic attack. As wonderful as that would be, it’s not something I can teach—but this blog will show you the next best thing. A list of techniques to quickly lower fear, panic, and anxiety. Even if they don’t totally stop a panic attack, they’re worth trying. Reducing your anxiety even a little will help. (P.S. I’m not a licensed therapist. The techniques in this blog are not intended to treat...
Hardship happens to us all. Sometimes it’s predictable, sometimes it’s unexpected. That tends to be the most painful—when tough times catch us off guard. Why can’t things just be easy for once? After all you’ve been through, you deserve peace, not more struggle. You’ll learn how to ease your way through unexpected challenges much better. This makes life easier, even though tough stuff will still happen from time to time. Instead of being stressed for weeks, you may...
There is one technique guaranteed to lower stress in any situation. It’ll help you discover the best solutions, prevent exhaustion, and reduce the fear you feel while facing any challenging experience. It will help you manage stress in a self-loving, empowering way. It makes sense to doubt a way to manage stress like this exists. What could possibly guarantee you’ll feel better in any overwhelming situation? It’s actually a surprisingly simple technique—and one that’s radically changed my...
We all enjoy dreaming of a better life. One where we thrive after abuse—less PTSD, stable finances, happier relationships. Whatever that dream is for you. We have to dream to stay hopeful, but we often try to reach our ideal life without taking some important healing steps first. Without this foundation, even the best goals and opportunities will (most likely) collapse around us. Everyone healing from abuse has to go through the same (or at least an...
PTSD triggers can sneak up almost anywhere, even in the most benign conversations or situations. And they can wreck our mood, day, or even send us into a crisis. It isn’t always the common topics, like abuse and violence, that send us into flashbacks or panic attacks. Sometimes, it’s a regular and everyday experience that reminds us of the trauma we faced. Heck, cherry tomatoes have been a serious trigger for me before. Because PTSD triggers are so...
Knowing how to love yourself after abuse can feel like a total mystery. There are plenty of articles saying what it’s like to have self-love and what we’re supposed to do to get it. But I’ve yet to find one actually sharing what the real journey towards self love looks like. That’s what this blog is for. There are steps to go through before we actually get to life-long self love. We also need to understand what self...
Human touch. Something we all need, yet something many of us fear after abuse. It make sense touch is now scary. Previous displays of affection were often side by side with acts of violence. If you had asked me three years ago if I'd ever feel safe having sex, I would have said no. That intense level of affection sounded far too frightening. Sex had always, for 15 years, meant pain and violence and fear for...