Knowing how to love yourself after abuse can feel like a total mystery. There are plenty of articles saying what it’s like to have self-love and what we’re supposed to do to get it. But I’ve yet to find one actually sharing what the real journey towards self love looks like. That’s what this blog is for. There are steps to go through before we actually get to life-long self love. We also need to understand what self...
Human touch. Something we all need, yet something many of us fear after abuse. It make sense touch is now scary. Previous displays of affection were often side by side with acts of violence. If you had asked me three years ago if I’d ever feel safe having sex, I would have said no. That intense level of affection sounded far too frightening. Sex had always, for 15 years, meant pain and violence and fear for...
Ah, the dreaded task of leaving an abuser… Most likely, if you’re on this blog, you already have left the people who hurt you (or at least the most severe ones), but that doesn’t mean you feel great about your decision. I bet you have some seriously complicated feelings around your choice to walk away. There’s a lot of emotion that goes into leaving an abuser. (I actually talked a ton about that grief right here) It’s natural...
Generational trauma is something every survivor of abuse should understand. If you don’t know what it is and how it affects your life, you’re setting yourself up for repeating toxic cycles. But—if you know what generational trauma is and you own up to facing its impact, to being the change in the cycle, you’re going to do amazing things. You’re setting yourself up for joy, prosperity, and peace. So what really is generational trauma? Abuse tends to be...
Was today exhausting? Like the idea of waking up for tomorrow sounds like the most challenging thing to do? I mean who wants to get up for tomorrow that might be just as bad as today? I doubt any person would say “I do” to that. But the thing is, us survivors of abuse don't have a choice. We have to wake up for tomorrow, even though it still carries the pain of our past trauma. If we don't...
I’m going to be frank. Self-hatred sucks. It's probably the biggest burden that all survivors of abuse live with. And I bet you are plagued by it too. Self-hatred is not only exhausting…it also limits the love we have in our relationships. It makes us feel like a failure anytime we have a simple mistake. It's so unfair that your abuser made you live with self hatred. (After all, this emotion was really a tool that they used...
You never have to forgive your abuser. You never have to forget or deny what you went through. If you want to share your story publicly, go ahead. If you want to hate the people who hurt you, you have every right. Don’t listen to the people who say “forgive and forget.” This advice usually comes with good intentions, but it’s hard to properly deliver it to a survivor of abuse. Since, well, it’s usually people...
Your past lives in you—you don’t live in the past. Trauma and abuse memories, like anything significant in life, sticks with us. There’s no shame in feeling like your past follows you around, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to handle either. Many of us survivors feel hopeless at the idea that our brains have literally changed as a result of abuse. Are we doomed to struggle with it forever? It’s true that trauma has changed us,...
Emotional vulnerability is a beautiful and empowering thing. It can lead to authentic and healthy relationships, increase our own self compassion, and bring us to greater places in healing. After abuse, though, it can be challenging to face the raw emotions that come with recovery. Meaning that vulnerability can feel overwhelming and hard to handle, unless you know how to safely experience it. That’s what this video is for. I’ll show you how to make...
Trauma creates emotional pain. It’s an unfortunate part of being a survivor of abuse, but it is a reality we face and something that’s healthy to acknowledge. When we reject emotional pain, we deepen its hold on us. It stops being processed and healed—which means we will never feel liberated from it. The pain grows in intensity beneath the surface, trying to get our attention. Naturally, working through that pain is the best path towards recovery....