Self sabotaging is something most of us survivors of abuse have done at some point in our healing journeys. Like when we finally get close to someone, then push them away even though it’s a good relationship. Or we miss therapy appointments, even though we know they’ll help us. All human beings have a tendency to do this, so self sabotaging is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s in our nature…but, of course, it also limits...
There was a viral post that went around Facebook a few months ago, about how it was harmful to say “Trauma is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility.” That phrase had always rubbed me the wrong way, but I didn’t know why until I was a part of that discussion. And boy, did I learn a lot! It helped me understand how I used that sentiment to guilt myself into healing, and how others—like...
Does past abuse ruin our chances of living a good life (let alone finding joy)? My vision of a “best life” was essentially being okay with waking up each day. No longer wanting to give up. Surviving. I didn’t think any more than that was possible. That sounded like the best I could have in life…and I’ve discovered many other survivors feel this way too. We guess we can get to an okay life—but don’t believe...
Being betrayed by a friend is one of the most painful experiences we can have. Whether that’s them turning abusive, revealing a secret they promised to keep, or hurting us in some other way—it destroys the relationship we had with them. And that’s painful. Betrayal cuts deeply into our hearts. Their betrayal also tells us what to think about ourselves and our worth, which can hurt more than the loss of the friendship. This can cause us...
If you’re a survivor of abuse who’s been working for years (or even decades) to heal and you feel discouraged because you haven’t made much progress, this blog is for you. We all know it’s a journey to heal from abuse, especially if you were hurt in childhood. Your entire formative years were created around painful, traumatic experiences—and changing how this affected you isn’t going to happen overnight. But, after the years of work you’ve put in,...
Victim blaming can be as traumatic as the initial abuse, especially when all of your friends leave—blaming you for what happened and shaming you for sharing your story. This shame, right after we make the courageous move to leave our abusers, can be extremely detrimental to our healing. In some cases the victim blaming can be so severe it convinces the victim to return to their abuser. In this blog, I’ll debunk the mystery of why people...
Imagine if you could instantly stop a panic attack. As wonderful as that would be, it’s not something I can teach—but this blog will show you the next best thing. A list of techniques to quickly lower fear, panic, and anxiety. Even if they don’t totally stop a panic attack, they’re worth trying. Reducing your anxiety even a little will help. (P.S. I’m not a licensed therapist. The techniques in this blog are not intended to treat...
Hardship happens to us all. Sometimes it’s predictable, sometimes it’s unexpected. That tends to be the most painful—when tough times catch us off guard. Why can’t things just be easy for once? After all you’ve been through, you deserve peace, not more struggle. You’ll learn how to ease your way through unexpected challenges much better. This makes life easier, even though tough stuff will still happen from time to time. Instead of being stressed for weeks, you may...
There is one technique guaranteed to lower stress in any situation. It’ll help you discover the best solutions, prevent exhaustion, and reduce the fear you feel while facing any challenging experience. It will help you manage stress in a self-loving, empowering way. It makes sense to doubt a way to manage stress like this exists. What could possibly guarantee you’ll feel better in any overwhelming situation? It’s actually a surprisingly simple technique—and one that’s radically changed my...
We all enjoy dreaming of a better life. One where we thrive after abuse—less PTSD, stable finances, happier relationships. Whatever that dream is for you. We have to dream to stay hopeful, but we often try to reach our ideal life without taking some important healing steps first. Without this foundation, even the best goals and opportunities will (most likely) collapse around us. Everyone healing from abuse has to go through the same (or at least an...