Knowing how to love yourself after abuse can feel like a total mystery. There are plenty of articles saying what it’s like to have self-love and what we’re supposed to do to get it. But I’ve yet to find one actually sharing what the real journey towards self love looks like. That’s what this blog is for. There are steps to go through before we actually get to life-long self love. We also need to understand what self...
Three years ago, my therapist asked me, “Do you think you’ll be happy someday?” I thought about it for a moment before answering, “I don’t think so. Maybe I’ll learn to be okay and tolerate life, but I don’t think I’ll ever know how to find happiness.” I was so wrong. This would have shocked my 21-year-old self. How, after 15 years of violent abuse, could I ever truly feel happy? Looking back, I’m not surprised I love...
A great life after abuse. It kinda sounds like a foreign concept, doesn’t it? What does life even mean after you been attacked and harmed by another human being? I get it. My life is not the same as it would have been if I had never been abused. In fact, part of life after abuse is facing that grief. Even more so, it's that wish that we had a different life. But, despite the pain you went...
Glad 2019 is here? I think we’re all ready to move on from last year. It’s a time for new growth and happiness. Joy is a great goal to go after. In fact, it’s the foundation for my work…but that doesn’t mean it is immune to being unbalanced. It’s possible to be too happy. When us survivors have struggled for so long, it’s natural for us to grip tight to any good feelings we do get. Sometimes...
It doesn’t matter that you’re just one person. You are a powerful person and you can make an impact in the world. When you do this, you’ll be lighting up your own life too. Abuse is a difficult hand to be dealt. It leaves us with a lot of painful emotions, memories, and impacts, meaning that it’s tough to live a fulfilling and joyous life. But tough doesn’t mean impossible. When you choose to make...
We can’t just choose happiness, especially after surviving abuse and living with PTSD. But this can be disheartening. If you can’t choose happiness, how do you start to love life? How do you begin to feel good? A love for life is still something you can experience. You can still have wonderful days and great relationships. There are so many ways you can find joy. All without needing the ability to choose happiness. Let’s first...
Inner peace is possible for you, and every other survivor of abuse, to find. It comes with one simple thing: building a home within yourself. Obviously, I’m not talking about a literal home. But rather, a safe place where you can feel and process all emotions. Where you exist authentically and can choose how to share your true self with the world. It’s by understanding that emotions are safe to feel and that you are...
Rejecting love is normal for us survivors of abuse. We were once told that we were unlovable, that we deserved to be hurt, or that we weren’t worth anything. Now, when we’re handed truly unconditional love, we push it away. It’s normal to do this, but that doesn’t make it pain free. Something in your past caused love to seem scary. And today, that cycle of fear repeats—pushing love even farther out of reach. I’ve feared...
Happiness is an awesome emotion. It’s enjoyable to feel and easy to embrace—it’s something we truly want a lot of in our lives! Despite it’s general awesomeness, it’s completely irrational to expect to have this feeling 24/7. For this reason, pursuing happiness as our main goal is not the smartest thing for any of us to do. I don’t want to discount how wonderful happiness is. It’s important to seek out and to strive for greater...
We are told to curse our anger, to push away our fear. We’re told that these are harmful emotions to experience, that they signal something is wrong with us. Sometimes, the same voices that tell us to unconditionally love ourselves tell us to damn our difficult emotions. This isn’t real self compassion. Self compassion is loving every bit of ourselves. It’s when we embrace our most critical voice, thank anger for protecting us and sadness...