A great life after abuse. It kinda sounds like a foreign concept, doesn’t it? What does life even mean after you been attacked and harmed by another human being? I get it. My life is not the same as it would have been if I had never been abused. In fact, part of life after abuse is facing that grief. Even more so, it's that wish that we had a different life. But, despite the pain you went...
Glad 2019 is here? I think we’re all ready to move on from last year. It’s a time for new growth and happiness. Joy is a great goal to go after. In fact, it’s the foundation for my work…but that doesn’t mean it is immune to being unbalanced. It’s possible to be too happy. When us survivors have struggled for so long, it’s natural for us to grip tight to any good feelings we do get. Sometimes...
It doesn’t matter that you’re just one person. You are a powerful person and you can make an impact in the world. When you do this, you’ll be lighting up your own life too. Abuse is a difficult hand to be dealt. It leaves us with a lot of painful emotions, memories, and impacts, meaning that it’s tough to live a fulfilling and joyous life. But tough doesn’t mean impossible. When you choose to make...
We can’t just choose happiness, especially after surviving abuse and living with PTSD. But this can be disheartening. If you can’t choose happiness, how do you start to love life? How do you begin to feel good? A love for life is still something you can experience. You can still have wonderful days and great relationships. There are so many ways you can find joy. All without needing the ability to choose happiness. Let’s first...
Inner peace is possible for you, and every other survivor of abuse, to find. It comes with one simple thing: building a home within yourself. Obviously, I’m not talking about a literal home. But rather, a safe place where you can feel and process all emotions. Where you exist authentically and can choose how to share your true self with the world. It’s by understanding that emotions are safe to feel and that you are...
Rejecting love is normal for us survivors of abuse. We were once told that we were unlovable, that we deserved to be hurt, or that we weren’t worth anything. Now, when we’re handed truly unconditional love, we push it away. It’s normal to do this, but that doesn’t make it pain free. Something in your past caused love to seem scary. And today, that cycle of fear repeats—pushing love even farther out of reach. I’ve feared...
Happiness is an awesome emotion. It’s enjoyable to feel and easy to embrace—it’s something we truly want a lot of in our lives! Despite it’s general awesomeness, it’s completely irrational to expect to have this feeling 24/7. For this reason, pursuing happiness as our main goal is not the smartest thing for any of us to do. I don’t want to discount how wonderful happiness is. It’s important to seek out and to strive for greater...
We are told to curse our anger, to push away our fear. We’re told that these are harmful emotions to experience, that they signal something is wrong with us. Sometimes, the same voices that tell us to unconditionally love ourselves tell us to damn our difficult emotions. This isn’t real self compassion. Self compassion is loving every bit of ourselves. It’s when we embrace our most critical voice, thank anger for protecting us and sadness...
Life offers us amazing experiences. And yet, despite all the beauty around us, so many of us numb ourselves from it. We protect ourselves from our pain when we do this, but we also make it harder to live life to the fullest. So how do we balance this? How do we feel deeply and vividly without overwhelming ourselves with pain? Emotional numbness and dissociation are protective mechanisms. They’re intentionally shielding us from pains in the past...
Joy is like a sun shower. It’s complex. It’s when a storm and bright sunlight coexist. Emotionally, joy comes from a deep sense of fulfillment and purpose and aliveness. Just like the clap of thunder at the same time the sun is shining in your eyes. Because of this, feeling joyous requires one thing from us. When we live a meaningful life, we will find great joy Joy is vivid and expansive and transformative. And the emotion arises...