Boundaries in relationships are notoriously difficult for us survivors of abuse. What if setting a boundary ruins our relationship? What is the difference between a boundary and just a desire…a want?
Because of past abuse, setting boundaries in relationships seems unsafe and intimidating. After all, sometimes our abusers hurt us more when we tried to set a boundary.
When you have strong boundaries, you will find deep emotional connections, safe relationships, and empowered empathy with others. Neglecting to set boundaries in relationships is often what leaves us more vulnerable to people’s ill intentions.
By asserting them, you are protecting yourself. They are not you asking too much of someone or being too picky.
A boundary is simply you saying “I’m not cool with this” and that is something you always have a right to say.
It’s the job of other people to respect your boundary. Your job is simply to practice setting and reasserting them. This mutual responsibility will help all your relationships thrive.
Your boundaries were dismissed during abuse and that hurt. It left them feeling scary. But now it’s time for you to reclaim them—and this is how you do it.
Find friends that respect your boundaries! How to Make Friends that Really Love You
Don’t miss these key highlights:
What to do if you experience backlash, or a person threatens to leave, when you set a boundary. [1:02]
Questioning what is too much to ask of someone? Find out if there’s a limit to boundaries you can appropriately set here. [1:58]
Discover a simple exercise that makes boundaries a bajillion times easier to communicate! [2:42]
It is so important to set boundaries in all your relationships. They will help you and your partner, your friends, thrive. Love will blossom around you and you will know, with absolute certainty, that these are the people worth keeping in your life.
So what is your biggest struggle when it comes to setting boundaries? What is one specific action (small or large) you can take to improve the boundaries you set?
I’d absolutely love to hear from you in a comment below!
Before heading out, please consider sharing this blog with another survivor you know, or on your favorite social media channel. Boundaries are a far under-represented issue for us survivors, so the more we talk about this, the safer the world will be for us!
Keep going strong and setting those boundaries. Someday, they will feel safe and you will be surrounded by people who unconditionally love you.