It’s almost 2020! A New Year means new changes, intention, and ways we plan to improve our life. New goals to set, new dreams to pursue, and new ways to heal from our painful pasts. Making changes (even super good ones we really want) can cause fear—and that’s where these coping skills come in! This blog isn’t about general coping skills for any stressful situation. It’s focused on handling the fear that comes up when we...
You’ll have self confidence if you believe in the decisions you make. Making decisions you believe in means trusting you followed your heart and did what was truly best for yourself. If you’re certain you did the best thing we possibly could at the time, then you’ll feel strong and self-loving even if something doesn’t work out. That’s ideal—to trust ourselves every time we make a choice. Imagine being able to go on a date and know you...
There are two cycles of abuse that can linger in us survivors. We can continue abusive behaviors towards ourselves—harming ourselves even after we’ve escaped those who abused us. Or, much more rarely, survivors can go on to abuse others. (This isn’t common, as survivors are for more likely to be repeat victims than they are to perpetrate abuse.) Codependency and poor communication are more common—but can be deeply damaging. In any of these cases, harm and hurt continues. This...
Hardship happens to us all. Sometimes it’s predictable, sometimes it’s unexpected. That tends to be the most painful—when tough times catch us off guard. Why can’t things just be easy for once? After all you’ve been through, you deserve peace, not more struggle. You’ll learn how to ease your way through unexpected challenges much better. This makes life easier, even though tough stuff will still happen from time to time. Instead of being stressed for weeks, you may...
Recovering from abuse is a journey of emotional ups and downs. Those difficult moments are the times we need support—sometimes more than our friends can provide. We need help with flashbacks, fears, and trauma memories. We need to talk with people who truly understand the hardship of PTSD and the life-long impact of abuse. Each one of us finds support in different ways, so this blog is meant to list a bunch of resources you can pick...
It’s hard to walk away from unhealthy relationships the instant a warning sign pops up. Us survivors will often tell ourselves “I’ll never let anyone do this to me again,” but when it comes time to actually walk away…we hesitate anyways. Why? Because after a life with so little love, we want every bit we can get. Even if the person providing it isn’t all that good for us. I talked about how us survivors tend to...
Every survivor of abuse has experienced grief. It’s not always when a person leaves us or someone passes on—sometimes it’s the loss we feel over the fun childhood we never had. Or the betrayal of someone we thought loved us. Grief is always complex—even more so when abuse is involved. Sometimes we attach to our abuser and feel devastated when they’re gone. Or, other times, grief comes with anger…at our abusers or at the Universe for cursing...
It’s difficult to love again after abuse. There may be compassionate and kind people who come into our life, but learning to trust them can seem nearly impossible. Or we settle for anything better than our past relationships—even if they aren’t great and we don’t truly feel a connection. They’re just someone less toxic than our abuser. There are several things each one of us needs to face and do before we can truly feel in...
There is one technique guaranteed to lower stress in any situation. It’ll help you discover the best solutions, prevent exhaustion, and reduce the fear you feel while facing any challenging experience. It will help you manage stress in a self-loving, empowering way. It makes sense to doubt a way to manage stress like this exists. What could possibly guarantee you’ll feel better in any overwhelming situation? It’s actually a surprisingly simple technique—and one that’s radically changed my...
We all enjoy dreaming of a better life. One where we thrive after abuse—less PTSD, stable finances, happier relationships. Whatever that dream is for you. We have to dream to stay hopeful, but we often try to reach our ideal life without taking some important healing steps first. Without this foundation, even the best goals and opportunities will (most likely) collapse around us. Everyone healing from abuse has to go through the same (or at least an...