What is joy? And more importantly, what the heck does it look like after abuse? Is it something us survivors can even have (because, let’s face it, we face pain on the daily)? I’m a huge advocate of living a joyous life—and I fully believe, with every bone in my body, that you can live a life of joy. You can have the career and relationship you want, you can wake up feeling excited for the day,...
We all know good communication is important in our relationships. We know we’re supposed to talk to those we love, not keep secrets, and mutually respect one another. But what about when we have an uncomfortable boundary to set with someone we care about? What if we have a need that contradicts someone else’s need? (What they need is also valid.) Or how do we keep relationships healthy if we’re good with communication…but the other person isn’t? That’s what...
Imagine if you could instantly stop a panic attack. As wonderful as that would be, it’s not something I can teach—but this blog will show you the next best thing. A list of techniques to quickly lower fear, panic, and anxiety. Even if they don’t totally stop a panic attack, they’re worth trying. Reducing your anxiety even a little will help. (P.S. I’m not a licensed therapist. The techniques in this blog are not intended to treat...
It’s almost 2020! A New Year means new changes, intention, and ways we plan to improve our life. New goals to set, new dreams to pursue, and new ways to heal from our painful pasts. Making changes (even super good ones we really want) can cause fear—and that’s where these coping skills come in! This blog isn’t about general coping skills for any stressful situation. It’s focused on handling the fear that comes up when we...
You’ll have self confidence if you believe in the decisions you make. Making decisions you believe in means trusting you followed your heart and did what was truly best for yourself. If you’re certain you did the best thing we possibly could at the time, then you’ll feel strong and self-loving even if something doesn’t work out. That’s ideal—to trust ourselves every time we make a choice. Imagine being able to go on a date and know you...
There are two cycles of abuse that can linger in us survivors. We can continue abusive behaviors towards ourselves—harming ourselves even after we’ve escaped those who abused us. Or, much more rarely, survivors can go on to abuse others. (This isn’t common, as survivors are for more likely to be repeat victims than they are to perpetrate abuse.) Codependency and poor communication are more common—but can be deeply damaging. In any of these cases, harm and hurt continues. This...
Hardship happens to us all. Sometimes it’s predictable, sometimes it’s unexpected. That tends to be the most painful—when tough times catch us off guard. Why can’t things just be easy for once? After all you’ve been through, you deserve peace, not more struggle. You’ll learn how to ease your way through unexpected challenges much better. This makes life easier, even though tough stuff will still happen from time to time. Instead of being stressed for weeks, you may...
Recovering from abuse is a journey of emotional ups and downs. Those difficult moments are the times we need support—sometimes more than our friends can provide. We need help with flashbacks, fears, and trauma memories. We need to talk with people who truly understand the hardship of PTSD and the life-long impact of abuse. Each one of us finds support in different ways, so this blog is meant to list a bunch of resources you can pick...
It’s hard to walk away from unhealthy relationships the instant a warning sign pops up. Us survivors will often tell ourselves “I’ll never let anyone do this to me again,” but when it comes time to actually walk away…we hesitate anyways. Why? Because after a life with so little love, we want every bit we can get. Even if the person providing it isn’t all that good for us. I talked about how us survivors tend to...
Every survivor of abuse has experienced grief. It’s not always when a person leaves us or someone passes on—sometimes it’s the loss we feel over the fun childhood we never had. Or the betrayal of someone we thought loved us. Grief is always complex—even more so when abuse is involved. Sometimes we attach to our abuser and feel devastated when they’re gone. Or, other times, grief comes with anger…at our abusers or at the Universe for cursing...