Knowing how to love yourself after abuse can feel like a total mystery. There are plenty of articles saying what it’s like to have self-love and what we’re supposed to do to get it. But I’ve yet to find one actually sharing what the real journey towards self love looks like. That’s what this blog is for. There are steps to go through before we actually get to life-long self love. We also need to understand what self...
Us trauma survivors need self care to survive. But, it can be hard to think of the right method to use when we’re in the middle of a crisis—like a PTSD flashback or other symptom. This blog will provide you with a lifelong list of self care ideas, all meant to help your healing from abuse. (Other trauma survivors can definitely benefit from this too!) The list itself is broken up into 5 categories—helping you to discover...
Human touch. Something we all need, yet something many of us fear after abuse. It make sense touch is now scary. Previous displays of affection were often side by side with acts of violence. If you had asked me three years ago if I’d ever feel safe having sex, I would have said no. That intense level of affection sounded far too frightening. Sex had always, for 15 years, meant pain and violence and fear for...
Trauma leaves us with a bunch of limiting beliefs. These are subconscious patterns that inform how we see ourselves and the world. Things we believe. Beliefs themselves aren’t bad, many are neutral or good. But some are damaging. They hold us back—limiting us. These, logically, are called limiting beliefs. Every single person, with a history of trauma or not, has limiting beliefs. But, as survivors of abuse, ours are often more impactful than your average person who’s...
We can’t travel back in time and change our past…and this can cause a lot of despair. Difficult emotions may rage through you—scaring you and making it hard to find even one ounce of self acceptance. I get it. I truly, honestly do. Loving ourselves in any capacity after abuse is hard—especially since that requires us to accept ourselves. That means accepting what happened to us and how it affects us today, including the tough emotions and...
Three years ago, my therapist asked me, “Do you think you’ll be happy someday?” I thought about it for a moment before answering, “I don’t think so. Maybe I’ll learn to be okay and tolerate life, but I don’t think I’ll ever know how to find happiness.” I was so wrong. This would have shocked my 21-year-old self. How, after 15 years of violent abuse, could I ever truly feel happy? Looking back, I’m not surprised I love...
Dissociation is a powerful coping mechanism. It’s our brain’s way of saying “Hey, this is too intense, so I’m gonna check out for a bit.” Unfortunately, that inner distance also detaches us from our life—leading us to feel miserable, depressed, and like we’re living in a dream. This where grounding techniques come into play. They can bring us close to feelings and experiences in a safe, supportive way. Dissociation will dissolve. Your body and mind are processing...
Ah, the dreaded task of leaving an abuser… Most likely, if you’re on this blog, you already have left the people who hurt you (or at least the most severe ones), but that doesn’t mean you feel great about your decision. I bet you have some seriously complicated feelings around your choice to walk away. There’s a lot of emotion that goes into leaving an abuser. (I actually talked a ton about that grief right here) It’s natural...
Feeling suicidal after abuse is extremely common. In fact, trauma is statistically one of the top reasons people take their own life. I wanted to address this in a realistic and honest blog. Because I too have felt suicidal (as have my alters)—and I’ve been able to make it through. My hope with this blog is to help you do the same. I know that this technique won’t work for everyone, but I do hope you give...
Coping with loss in general is tough, but even more so if that person was an abuser. Whether it was through their death or your conscious choice to leave them, grief is natural and expected. Though that doesn’t make it easy. So how do you handle it? Especially when half the time you feel guilty for even having a sense of missing them? (After all—why miss someone who hurt you so much?) Well, there are some very logical...