Distress tolerance is the most valuable skill you can learn. There’s nothing more capable of helping you survive the painful parts of abuse recovery. It will stabilize you like nothing else. It will transform your life. I had a major crisis happen a couple weeks ago where a huge amount of insights into childhood trauma came up. If this happened a few years ago, I would have felt suicidal. But I was fine while facing it. It...
Always finding yourself in toxic relationships? Almost like you’re a magnet for abusers? It’s never your fault that ill-intentioned people come into your life, but there are ways you can empower yourself to get out of and prevent these relationships. You just have to understand why your mind keeps making you trust those not-so-nice people. And why, when you do stumble upon someone truly loving, you feel terrified to get close. You’re not alone in...
When you are going through a tough time, you have less energy. The healthy habits you’ve spent weeks, months, maybe even years forming sometimes fall apart in front of you. And this can cause despair and guilt and shame. But, this is normal. It’s okay to break new and good habits during tough times. Healthy habits aren’t a once and done thing. Trauma recovery is exhausting—and sometimes we go back to our defaults. Healing from abuse...
I don’t think there is anything that plagues us survivors more than the question, “Am I enough?” Our abusers, day after day, told us something was wrong with us. That we were bad and unworthy. That our purpose in this world was to be hurt. Your abuser kept their control over you by convincing you that you deserved to be hurt. And they did this by making you think something was wrong with you—without ever...
Reclaiming a self loving perspective after abuse is one of the greatest challenges us survivors face. Our abusers made us hate ourselves. That’s how they kept control over us. But now that you’re free from them, you can start to reclaim self compassion. Although having a self loving view of yourself can sound incredibly challenging, it truly isn’t out of reach. Even though your abuser worked for months or years to convince you to hate...
How do you embrace life after abuse? How can you feel joyous, living with the after effects of such horrible trauma? Embracing life isn’t about having a perfect life. It’s about finding joy and happiness and love even in the midst of hardship—something that us survivors of abuse have faced plenty of. Despite the unique struggles we have all faced, there are some key things that create a foundation from which joy can grow. The first...
Feeling boxed in by your new PTSD diagnosis? Are you struggling to accept that you officially have a disorder? It is intense to receive this news! I definitely get it. I was absolutely shocked when I was first diagnosed with PTSD and dissociative identity disorder. We all know we’ve gone through trauma, but hearing a professional officially state it makes it far more real. And much more difficult to accept. I’m a big believer that...
Feeling like a burden is normal when we’re disabled survivors of abuse. People tend to make huge issues about the accommodations we need. They shame us for still “holding on to our past.” And so so much more. This is all unfair. It’s ableism. But it doesn’t stop us from feeling like a burden—even when we know that society’s idea of us is wrong. Life after abuse is difficult and it has left us with valid...
You were completely innocent. You did not deserve the abuse, you did not deserve the pain that you now hold. Your life is unfair—at least, it feels that way. And this is valid. Abuse wasn’t some positive life lesson you were destined to experience. But, when your life is unfair, how do you reclaim happiness anyways? How do you find joy after abuse? It’s through powerful validation and acceptance. When you hear that it’s okay...
Do you ever start to love someone too much, then get scared and push them away? Sabotaging relationships like this is super common for us survivors. And, unfortunately, we end up losing some of our closest relationships because of this. Why do we push away love—something we want so much? Because abuse made love scary. Uncertain. All you’re trying to do is protect yourself from more pain. And the way we do this is through...