Having trouble feeling like there's any purpose to keep going on? Like you should feel that life matters…but it just doesn’t? This isn't unusual for us survivors of abuse. We had to numb ourselves to all the good things in life in order to survive the horrible trauma that we faced. And now that means that you walk with pain on your shoulders and a heavy heart. But this doesn't mean that your light has disappeared. This...
Wish you could actually believe in yourself? That you could walk this world with an empowered mindset? Well, these 25 affirmations may be the perfect answer for you…as long as you know how to properly use them! Far too many people believe that affirmations are just something you say and then you start to believe it. That'd be awesome and they'd be super powerful if that was the case, but it's simply not like that. Affirmations are a...
I’m going to be frank. Self-hatred sucks. It's probably the biggest burden that all survivors of abuse live with. And I bet you are plagued by it too. Self-hatred is not only exhausting…it also limits the love we have in our relationships. It makes us feel like a failure anytime we have a simple mistake. It's so unfair that your abuser made you live with self hatred. (After all, this emotion was really a tool that they used...
Bad relationships can happen to any of us. Seriously, even a survivors of abuse who have a ton of experience with toxic relationships can be swept away by them. So, that's why it's important for us to consciously (highlight on that) know these seven key signs of a bad relationship. We know them in our subconscious…but, let’s face it. It’s easy to ignore that voice. These signs will jump between projecting emotions onto you, lacking accountability, and...
“How to love yourself”—yep, this might not sound like all that original of a blog from the start. But I want to show you something super important, and I’ve only ever seen one other personal development leader talk about it. Loving ourselves is an art that becomes much trickier after surviving abuse. I also think, though, that it gives us an advantage in some ways. Because our abusers created such deep shame and self-hatred, we have to...
You never have to forgive your abuser. You never have to forget or deny what you went through. If you want to share your story publicly, go ahead. If you want to hate the people who hurt you, you have every right. Don’t listen to the people who say “forgive and forget.” This advice usually comes with good intentions, but it’s hard to properly deliver it to a survivor of abuse. Since, well, it’s usually people...
Your past lives in you—you don’t live in the past. Trauma and abuse memories, like anything significant in life, sticks with us. There’s no shame in feeling like your past follows you around, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to handle either. Many of us survivors feel hopeless at the idea that our brains have literally changed as a result of abuse. Are we doomed to struggle with it forever? It’s true that trauma has changed us,...
Winter can be such a tough season. The cold, the overcast, the lack of desire to go outside…or even get out of bed. Talk about the winter blues! My productivity, focus, and energy all drop by at least 40% in the winter, but it used to be at least 70%. I’d barely be able to function because of a mix of seasonal depression and physical symptoms…all brought on by the cold. The winter blues, or seasonal affective...
Glad 2019 is here? I think we’re all ready to move on from last year. It’s a time for new growth and happiness. Joy is a great goal to go after. In fact, it’s the foundation for my work…but that doesn’t mean it is immune to being unbalanced. It’s possible to be too happy. When us survivors have struggled for so long, it’s natural for us to grip tight to any good feelings we do get. Sometimes...
With so many resources out there on empathy…why do we still struggle to be empathetic (both personally and as a society)? It’s all because we’re missing the first step—turning acceptance and understanding towards ourselves. If we deny ourselves empathy, we deny the world it too. I learned this technique in a really wacky, unconventional way, but it’s one of the most critical on my road to recovery. Without it, I don’t think I could cope with the...