There was a viral post that went around Facebook a few months ago, about how it was harmful to say “Trauma is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility.” That phrase had always rubbed me the wrong way, but I didn’t know why until I was a part of that discussion. And boy, did I learn a lot! It helped me understand how I used that sentiment to guilt myself into healing, and how others—like...
Psychogenic pain is when we feel pain that isn’t caused from a physical source (like a cut, bruise, virus, inflammation, etc). It’s essentially when our brain interprets that we’re in pain, but there’s no direct cause of it. At least, not a visible one. Psychogenic pain, though, is often tied to trauma and emotional stressors. In my opinion, that’s just as valid of a pain source as a gash. In most cases, pain medicine doesn’t work...
Mindfulness is an almost essential practice when we’re recovering from a traumatic past. Whether it’s therapeutic techniques (like Dialectical Behavioral Therapy), straight up yoga practices, morning meditations, or reading The Power of Now—there’s some level of mindfulness that’s necessary for our healing. Mindfulness teaches us how to tolerate stronger emotions, so they don’t overwhelm us. But…there are certain types of meditation that can actually do a lot of harm to us survivors of abuse. Or, at...
Does past abuse ruin our chances of living a good life (let alone finding joy)? My vision of a “best life” was essentially being okay with waking up each day. No longer wanting to give up. Surviving. I didn’t think any more than that was possible. That sounded like the best I could have in life…and I’ve discovered many other survivors feel this way too. We guess we can get to an okay life—but don’t believe...
Feeling trapped by a bad habit? Struggling to break it no matter how many apps, techniques, and strategies you use? Breaking bad habits can definitely be an uphill battle. You’re forcing your brain to completely rewire an old pattern—and our brains honestly don’t want to do that! Our minds don’t like change, they like sticking with what works…even if “what works” isn’t all that great. Fortunately, there’s a way around this mental resistance. One little trick we...
Being betrayed by a friend is one of the most painful experiences we can have. Whether that’s them turning abusive, revealing a secret they promised to keep, or hurting us in some other way—it destroys the relationship we had with them. And that’s painful. Betrayal cuts deeply into our hearts. Their betrayal also tells us what to think about ourselves and our worth, which can hurt more than the loss of the friendship. This can cause us...
Ever had a friendship that made you feel uncomfortable? Someone you stress about spending time with…but they aren’t actually abusive? How do you know when to end a friendship that’s unpleasant like this? That’s the focus of this blog. I’ve talked lots about walking away from abusers in the past, but this situation is much more nuanced. It’s about leaving someone who isn’t a bad or harmful person… we just don’t feel great in the friendship. Or...
Ah, dissociative identity disorder—one of the most misunderstood trauma disorders out there! Most people have heard of it before (perhaps under the outdated name “Multiple personality disorder”)…but many of these accounts are misleading or stigmatizing. So, here’s a realistic picture of what Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is—written by a person living with it. (That’s me!) First, What is Dissociative Identity Disorder? DID is classified as a dissociative disorder, meaning that it forms to block out trauma. Dissociation is...
This might sound weird, but regret is a surprisingly helpful feeling. It helps us control emotions trauma brings up, preventing us from ending up in a crisis. But…it definitely doesn’t feel pleasant, right? So how could it possibly be helpful? How can regret, an emotion that often speaks to us with self-hatred, be beneficial? And yes, I am talking about that regret that tells you “You shouldn’t have dressed that way” or “you shouldn’t have dated him.”...
The phrase “I’m triggered” is certainly popular on social media…but how many people fully understand what emotional triggers really are? What it’s like to live with PTSD? To worry trauma memories could hit at any moment? All PTSD and emotional triggers are a serious symptom survivors of abuse live with—and it’s something we want the general public to understand. There are too many myths and misunderstandings. So, this blog will debunk the 8 most common myths...