Being betrayed by a friend is one of the most painful experiences we can have. Whether that’s them turning abusive, revealing a secret they promised to keep, or hurting us in some other way—it destroys the relationship we had with them. And that’s painful. Betrayal cuts deeply into our hearts. Their betrayal also tells us what to think about ourselves and our worth, which can hurt more than the loss of the friendship. This can cause us...
Ever had a friendship that made you feel uncomfortable? Someone you stress about spending time with…but they aren’t actually abusive? How do you know when to end a friendship that’s unpleasant like this? That’s the focus of this blog. I’ve talked lots about walking away from abusers in the past, but this situation is much more nuanced. It’s about leaving someone who isn’t a bad or harmful person… we just don’t feel great in the friendship. Or...
Ah, dissociative identity disorder—one of the most misunderstood trauma disorders out there! Most people have heard of it before (perhaps under the outdated name “Multiple personality disorder”)…but many of these accounts are misleading or stigmatizing. So, here’s a realistic picture of what Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is—written by a person living with it. (That’s me!) First, What is Dissociative Identity Disorder? DID is classified as a dissociative disorder, meaning that it forms to block out trauma. Dissociation is...
This might sound weird, but regret is a surprisingly helpful feeling. It helps us control emotions trauma brings up, preventing us from ending up in a crisis. But…it definitely doesn’t feel pleasant, right? So how could it possibly be helpful? How can regret, an emotion that often speaks to us with self-hatred, be beneficial? And yes, I am talking about that regret that tells you “You shouldn’t have dressed that way” or “you shouldn’t have dated him.”...
The phrase “I’m triggered” is certainly popular on social media…but how many people fully understand what emotional triggers really are? What it’s like to live with PTSD? To worry trauma memories could hit at any moment? All PTSD and emotional triggers are a serious symptom survivors of abuse live with—and it’s something we want the general public to understand. There are too many myths and misunderstandings. So, this blog will debunk the 8 most common myths...
Feel like the problems you face are never-ending? Like you’re struggling to solve them before new ones come up. Us survivors of abuse often face a greater challenge with life’s ups and downs, since we didn’t learn effective problem solving skills as children (we were too focused on our basic survival). Yet, you were able to get through the trauma you faced, so you have the strength to solve literally any obstacle that comes your way. You...
If you’re a survivor of abuse who’s been working for years (or even decades) to heal and you feel discouraged because you haven’t made much progress, this blog is for you. We all know it’s a journey to heal from abuse, especially if you were hurt in childhood. Your entire formative years were created around painful, traumatic experiences—and changing how this affected you isn’t going to happen overnight. But, after the years of work you’ve put in,...
Terrified those you love are going to let you down? Or that they’ll abandon or hurt you? You’re not the only survivor with this fear of betrayal—most of us have struggled with it after abuse. Relationships are nerve-wracking even for someone who’s never been traumatized. It’s human nature to want to be loved and, when we get close to someone, we want to keep them by us. And, our history has given us a bad impression of...
It’s super common for us survivors of abuse to have a scarcity mindset. That’s when we constantly feel like we’re struggling to have what we need to survive, usually not enough money. Abuse impacts us in many ways, and sometimes that means leaving us in poverty. Depending on where you live and what resources you have available to you, being poor can be a real threat to your survival. You need food, shelter, and medical care to...
Victim blaming can be as traumatic as the initial abuse, especially when all of your friends leave—blaming you for what happened and shaming you for sharing your story. This shame, right after we make the courageous move to leave our abusers, can be extremely detrimental to our healing. In some cases the victim blaming can be so severe it convinces the victim to return to their abuser. In this blog, I’ll debunk the mystery of why people...